Friday, December 27, 2002

I AM STILL ALIVE. I've been going through a minor writing crisis lately. All of my energies have been focused on being the resident smart-ass on ILXOR (MOM AND DAD DO NOT CLICK) and have been finding it difficult to muster either time or energy for the blog. Bad Dan, I know. Now the budding readership I was slowly accumulating has drifted away and I'm back to amusing myself. WHICH IS FINE. The fewer people who read my stream-of-consciousness ramblings dressed up as a burnt-orange vanity project, the more likely I am to start writing again. Besides, I need to regain my discipline. I've turned myself into the type of person who dashes off three lines in response to a question (two of which are there solely to support a bad joke) and hits "Submit". I've lost the ability to sit down and write a piece of length or depth.

I intend to change that.

Now that I have broadband at home, I should be able to update at home. I need to force myself to get my thoughts down, especially on music. The three people who stumble across this site during the week don't know that I went through a period of rediscovery with The Monkees earlier this month, cementing them as one of the best bands from the 60s in my mind. (Not many bands had songs as brilliant as "Pleasant Valley Sunday", "Star Collector", "A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You", "The Girl I Knew Somewhere", "The Porpoise Song", "Stepping Stone", "She", "Words", and "Valleri". And those aren't even all of their brilliant songs!) You also don't know that I've been listening to the new Poem-Cees CD _Paranoia_ non-stop since Christmas Eve and finding it brilliant. (Hip-hop needs more songs about child molestation and vigilante drug-dealer executioners.) I've been diving through Neverwinter Nights and enjoying playing a role-playing game as a character that isn't a fighter or mage. (My character's a female ranger. Female because I was bored, a ranger because I wanted the animal companion.) You don't know that one of my best friends in the entire world has started a blog that has some wildly funny links on it so far. You don't know that I've become OBSESSED with b3ta and its attendant family of deranged websites.

You also don't know about my singing. You don't know that my wife and I joined a professional church choir in Boston. You don't know that I've gotten more solos with our chamber group than I've ever had in my life. (YAY TO MY VOCAL EGO!) You don't know that I had to give up the opportunity to sing a world premier in Carnegie Hall with the BSO to pay my wife's grad school bills. You don't know that my wife is looking at starting off grad school with a 4.0 (not official yet, but all signs point towards it) or that she's going to play Belinda in a production of "Dido and Anaes" over Memorial Day weekend. THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

So I guess I'd better start talking, huh?

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

I am breaking radio silence to alert the world to what might be one of the greatest bootlegs ever. ALL HAIL LANCE LOCKARM! This should be considered a virtual birthday present to my dear brother Darrell.

Thursday, September 05, 2002

HA! Someone brought this link into play in a discussion about Missy's slammin' new jam on ILXOR today. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Surely this will get my brother to forgive me...)

This is the point where my brother disowns me, I think. This is one of the greatest tracks ever recorded. I didn't think she could top the madness of "Get Ur Freak On"; shows how little I know. A sample kicks things off imploring the DJ to pick up the phone and take a request, and BOY DOES HE EVER. Simultaneously sexy and threatening, the kickdrum slinks all around the offbeats while a buzzing synth line floats over some wood blocks. Missy spits some of the most ridiculous lines of her career; yes, I do think that "Call before you come so I can shave my cho-cha" beats out "Beep beep/Who got the keys to my jeep?/VROOOOOOOOOOM!" The whole thing is geared towards the party and the dance floor, so much so that I defy ANYONE to listen to it and not nod your head or bounce your shoulders. LONDON CRU: If you are still doing karaoke nights, this must be added to the repertoire (Emma and Sarah could KILL the place with this song!).

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Link love: How quickly we fall out of old habits. Now that ILXOR has begun to eat up all of my online time, I've neglected my referrals until now, which means I just discovered some folks who have linked me. So, big ups to a joshua tree in every pot..., The Rub, qwertyuiop, and Radio Free Narnia. Since it still seems that people are coming here and reading things, I will try to do a better job of writing stuff for this site.
FINALLY! I've done some much-needed maintainence on my blog template. All of the links should work and my singing schedule as I know it should be up to date.

Thursday, August 15, 2002

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been too wrapped up in work and ILX (which is moving, by the way) to keep up with the old blog. I'll just say that b3ta is now one of my favorite sites on the Internet and I can't seem to stop playing "Tower Of Strength" by The Mission UK.

Wednesday, July 24, 2002

The oddest thing on the Internet: Send Sylvester Stallone's mother $100 and a photocopy of your butt and she'll tell you your future. Part of the reading must include, "You are a gullible sap who sends creepy con artists pictures of your butt." (Link taken from b3ta, home of many odd things on Internet.)

Thursday, July 18, 2002

CORRECTION: DJ Martian told me about The Rapture. Tim's actual quote was "The Cure fronted by Ian McCulloch" and was describing Interpol, another band I am investigating.

I'm currently listening to some moody down-tempo project by Paul Oakenfold that's essentially soundtrack music. Taken on that level, it's actually pretty cool, but I don't see myself pulling this one out for a listen very often.

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

The Rapture: I'd heard a limited amount of the buzz surrounding these guys in the UK, but hadn't really paid attention to them until Sir Tim Finney described them as "Echo and the Bunnymen fronted by Robert Smith". This is such a dead-on description of their breakthrough single "House Of Jealous Lovers" that I'm kicking myself repeatedly for not finding out more about them earlier. Even better, though, is the fact that their follow-up single "Olio" sounds like F.U.S.E fronted by Robert Smith. I AM DEEPLY OBSESSED WITH THIS BAND NOW.

You can judge for yourself by listening to the Real Audio clips here. The singer really does sound like a younger version of Robert Smith, though, so if you hate his vocals you might want to take a few minutes to prepare yourself before diving into the aural wonderfulness.

Monday, July 08, 2002

Ali and His Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay: I have discovered the best MP3s on the Internet, better even than that site about the Bugaloos that I found last week that I forgot to blog about. Who knew that Ali the Champ was responsible for cracking the Liberty Bell? Who knew that Frank Sinatra wanted kids to lose their teeth by eating ice cream? As an added bonus, there's a fight between Muhammed Ali and Mr. Tooth Decay narrated by HOWARD COSELL. I mean, look at this thing (click for larger picture):


Wednesday, June 26, 2002

Semen 'makes women happy': I am now convinced that the reason life exists on Earth is to generate ridiculous stories for my amusement.

Monday, June 24, 2002

Where's Waldo? Please believe me when I say that this is absolutely worth your time. This link is best viewed with a sound card.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

How Jedi Are You?

:: how jedi are you? ::

You have no idea how happy I am right now.

Monday, June 17, 2002

Cat Boxing:What's cuter than domesticated cats slapping each other silly? NOT MUCH, I TELL YOU.

Thursday, June 13, 2002

Disturbing link of the week: Here's an idea for you last-minute Father's Day shoppers!

Wednesday, June 05, 2002

Twee link of the week: Have you felt that your life was incomplete without a web-animated kitten singing a love song to a Cubist's idea of a puppy? Click this link and achieve nirvana.

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

Anyone out there who knows Ned Raggett will appreciate this one:

Emined LIVES!

Monday, May 27, 2002

Picture of the week:

oh NO!!!!!

Thursday, May 23, 2002

Taking Sides: Police brutality or criminally negligent parenting?

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

STEAL THIS LINK: I actively encourage everyone who stumbles across this page to put this link on your own site. The more people we can attract to this thread via Google, the better.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

- I've forgotten at least three birthdays so far this month. (Happy brithday, Theo! Happy birthday, Jeff! Happy birthday, Liza!)
- I have neglected to write back friends who have attempted to keep in touch with me. (Hi Sara! Hi Amber!)
- I have mooched horribly off of co-workers in bars because I'm too broke to buy a round of drinks.
- I have seen the future, and it will be.
- I promised Poem-Cees CDs to people and never sent them. (Hi Simon! Hi Jeff! Hi John!)
This all ends today. Today I shall get off of my lazy behind and get back in touch with people. I will begin compiling stuff I've promised to people. I will start writing more, both fiction and non-fiction. I will FINALLY redesign this horrible-looking site and put up my current concert information. (ON THIS FRONT: Boston Pops, May 31 & June 1; 7:30 PM. Hear me sing John Williams along with 59 other people!)

I've said this before, but I really mean it this time.

Thursday, May 16, 2002

Hats of Meat: Yet another reason why I love the Internet.

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

Tom's top ten looks like it could be my top ten. Busta Rhymes and Ludacris? Steely Dan? OUT OF MY MIND, EWING!

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

Charlotte Church admits 'loving her bum': Oh my dear lord. If this isn't concrete evidence of the end of the world, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

Monday, April 29, 2002

"Nasty, put some clothes on!" Anyone who knows how I feel about Anna Kournikova ("She's not that great a tennis player; she hasn't even won a tournament! On top of that, she's really plain. The only reason people are gaga over her is because she's a blond Russian; the number of more attractive female tennis players on the tour is kind of staggering. Etc, etc etc.") will understand the intense glee this story brings me. Put that one in yer portfolio, sweetie.

Saturday, April 27, 2002

FEAR: I've received many disturbing things via email, but very few of them could compare to this. The only thing I can say is THANK GOD there were no pictures to go along with that.

Random music update: Angie Stone is wonderful. "Wish I Didn't Miss You" takes the Curtis Mayfield sound and plants it firmly in the 21st century, particularly with the club remixes. This song deserves to be MASSIVE. Also, heard one of the remixes of "For My People" on the radio the other day and couldn't help dancing like that girl in the car commercial (you know which one I'm talking about).

Friday, April 26, 2002

Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez, RIP: HORRIBLE news. TLC were always a sentimental favorite; even though I don't have any of their albums, their singles were always on point. Plus, Left Eye's solo album was pretty remarkable. It's really a shame; she was barely a year older than me.

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

NME made Pap Roach frontman lose Dick: This is easily my favorite headline of the day.

Saturday, April 13, 2002

The indestructible sandwich: I would only eat one of these things if I had an indestructible colon.

Friday, April 12, 2002

Eeek. Just to keep up the posting frenzy, click on the link to hear wanton abuse of the Pokemon license. Truly frightening.
More David Hasselhoff action: Ever wonder what David Hasselhoff's version of "Hooked On A Feeling" would sound like? How about the video; what's that all about? Click on the link and find out!

Thursday, April 11, 2002

Madonna art condemmed:
Howson has also completed a number of nude Madonna sketches. One of the most detailed - a sketch depicting Madonna next to the head of John the Baptist - is being auctioned online.

Click HERE to place a bid.
Um, no thanks.
More Prodigy news: Links from the previously-blogged entry led me to this UTTERLY PRICELESS gem of academic stupidity. I wish I could get a government grant to inject mice with speed and play "Smack My Bitch Up" at full volume at them until their hearts stopped.
New Prodigy single title revealed: Allegedly, it's going to be called "Baby's Got A Temper". More worrying news lies in the idea that Liam and company have decided to put more emphasis on vocals this time around. Boys, boys, boys: you are at your best when you spin bootylicious chipmunk hardcore. Reinventing yourself as serious lyricists will put you on the fast track to Underworldesque levels of pomposity. Do not forget that the DANCE COMES FIRST.

(I should point out that none of my concerns will stop me from trying to get my hands on their newest release as soon as humanly possible.)

Sunday, March 31, 2002

The Camel Toe Report: Okay. I know it's Easter and this is probably blasphemous and all, but I HAVE TO SHARE THIS LINK. There's nothing I can say that could make this site funnier. Just click (but not at work).

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

News flash: Joei has been accepted at Longy School of Music and Boston Conservatory. If anyone sees me out on the street corner offering myself to strangers for cash, well, baby needs tuition...

Sunday, March 10, 2002

Best... picture... EVER: I defy anyone who clicks on this link to disagree.

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

"I'm just killing time": I tasked myself with doing some straightening around the condo this evening before Joei got back from her dress rehearsal, but I've grown weary of throwing away old piles of mail. I would much rather talk about music instead. Of course, since this is purely for procastination's sake, I don't have a band in mind to spark the old creative juices, so I have to resort to skimming the CD rack and seeing what grabs my fancy.

Let's see here... Odelay! by Beck? No, I refuse to talk about this album. I'm not going to change anyone's mind on it; it's one of those records that you either love or hate. Furthermore, people have discussed this album to death. People were so convinced of Beck's genius after this record came out that he had no choice but to disappear up his own ass in a self-defensive fit of ego-stroking. I'm not going to add to that train wreck, nosiree.

Moving on... I notice I Just Can't Help It by The English Beat. I bought this album solely for the song "Mirror In The Bathroom". Actually, I'm going to play that song now that I'm thinking about it. It's absolutely classic; all of the promise of ska wrapped up into one infectious, extremely danceable package. I was probably eight or nine when I first heard this song (thanks to an older brother who was discovering New Wave). It definitely lives in a special place in my heart; you can dole out equal blame to English Beat and John Coltrane for my later interest in the saxaphone. In fact, I'm sitting in front of the computer now with the goofiest smile on my face as I nod my head to the beat. I was about to decry the lack of songs like this on modern radio, but then I remembered No Doubt's "Hey Baby", undoubtedly one of the top ten singles of 2002 so far. It's good to remember why I initially twigged onto No Doubt when they first came out; after a period of slogging through the doldrums of proving they were, like, SERIOUS MUSICIANS, they seem to have remembered that the reason they picked up their instruments in the first place was because they liked to party. Nowadays, I'm finding it rare to find unapologetically fun songs on the radio, so hearing No Doubt return to their roots is captivating to me.

Moving on from English Beat, I'm going to stroke my ego a little bit and play a song recorded at the last Concordia Society concert where I had a solo. The song, "Trois Beaux Oiseaux du Paradis" by Maurice Ravel, is an absolutely gorgeous a capella number with oodles and oodles of lush harmonies that features a soprano soloist, but has little bits for an alto, tenor and BARITONE. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but MAN did I nail that baritone solo! Listening to things like this adds ammo to the little voice inside of me that keeps saying, "SCREW your day job, go all-out with the singing thing!" Then, I remember that we have bills to pay and sanity reasserts itself. At any rate, if Joei is successful, then I'll be able to live a life a relative leisure which will allow time to do more singing. YAY! (No pressure, honey.) Okay, I have to take this off before I break my arm patting myself on the back.

"Shake Dog Shake" by The Cure. I haven't heard this song in AGES. Man, it's just as brilliant as it was the first time I heard it. I remember that very well; I was 16 and had just grabbed a copy of the tape at a local record store. The only thing I knew about The Top was that its single was "The Caterpillar", so I was approaching this album with the expectation it was going to be a frothy, sunny romp. OH HOW WRONG I WAS. From the opening drum rool, my attention was ensared. I played that cassette five times straight through, marvelling at how disjointed the songs were. But, even as the differences leapt out at me, I couldn't imagine ten songs that fit together quite so well as the ten songs on this album. There was a good long period of time where I wasn't sure if my favorite Cure album was The Top or Pornography. The presence of "Siamese Twins" eventually tipped the scales for Pornography, but listening to the deranged guitar harmonics and pounding drums of this song makes me wonder if I made the correct decision...

Hmm, after ten o'clock. I need to go now. How funny; I'm certain this is the longest entry I've ever written to this blog and I didn't even know what I was going to say before I sat down. I'm sure tomorrow I'll have an editing frenzy fixing typos and fleshing out disjointed thoughts, but at the moment I'm thinking that that nothing gets the old fingers typing quite like vodka. (No Mom, I'm not an alcoholic. Stop worrying. Heh, it's not like you read this site, anyway.)

Monday, March 04, 2002

Leftfield split: Is there anyone left in the world who actually gives a damn about Leftfield?
Quickie update: Joei and I had a Seraphim Singers concert this past Sunday. It went extremely well; Joei got to perform her solo and did a stellar job at it. (The piece we were doing where I had a solo wasn't part of yesterday's program.) I've encouraged two friends from college to join the group, which excites me to no end.

Joei's living the whirlwind jet-set life; she jumped in the car this afternoon so that she could make an audition tomorrow morning at Manhattan School Of Music, then comes back for an opera rehearsal Tuesday night. The opera, a Lowell House Opera production of "Carmen" staged in modern times, goes up on Thursday (which reminds me; I need to get a ticket for the premiere).

I don't have anything big to say on the new music front. The new Boards Of Canada is brilliant, but I need to give it some time to sink in. (Expect a review at some point.) I also need to overhaul the design of this site, since huge chunks of it are out-of-date. So, that's gonna happen sometime this month, too.

Friday, March 01, 2002

Proud to be an American: Here's a tasty link from the BBC chronicling some of the stupid things Prince Phillip has said. This makes me feel a little better about Dubya. (Only a little, though.)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN JUSTEN. It is criminal that we've lost touch the way that we have. If you stumble across this page, EMAIL ME. I want to know what's going on with you, yo.
Tim is the man: That track by Tweet is the greatest song released this year that wasn't "Hey Baby".

Tuesday, February 26, 2002


I read a recent interview with the Chemical Brothers where they talked about how pleased they were with their third album, Surrender, and how they had to consciously stop comparing the tracks they were recording for their fourth album to that allaegdly perfect masterwork. All I can say to that is "THANK GOD". A couple of tracks aside ("Out Of Control", "Hey Boy Hey Girl"), I thought that Surrender was a gigantic pile of toss. It was a limpid retread of themes which had been percolating in the Chemical Brothers' recordings since 1993. In turning their back on what they consider to be their most perfect work, the Chems have come up with the album I was expecting Surrender to be.

The first half of the album is flawless. The woozy swagger of "Come With Us" blends beautifully into the dubby disco-house stylings of "It Began In Afrika". This leads to a retooled version of "Galaxy Bounce" from the Tomb Raider (now with an ending!) and one of the highlights of the album, the woozy haze of their current single, "Star Guitar". Words can't describe how great this track is. It easily compares to their best efforts; in fact, this is the track that delivers on the promise hinted at by "It Doesn't Matter" from Dig Your Own Hole. Things mellow out a little bit with the subdued electro workout "Hoops", then things pick back up with the demented music box that makes up the main hook of "My Elastic Eye". Beth Orton makes her now-obligatory appearance on the gloriously trippy "The State We're In", which leads into "Denmark", a bouncy house number filtered through the Chemical world view. This barrells straight into the sine-wave workout "Pioneer Skies, itself merely an appetizer for ending track "The Test", featuring Richard Ashcroft in one of the strongest things he's recorded since leaving The Verve.

The main thing going for this album is its diversity. All of the tracks have a distinct sound and style, yet somehow they all come together as a cohesive unit. I can't think of a better way of sequencing this album, nor can I think of any tracks that sound out of place or awkward. Best of all, the entire album clocks in at just under an hour, entertaining you without exhausting you. I was terrified that the Chems had completely lost the plot when they released Surrender. I'm happy to report that Come With Us proves they've still got what it takes to release quality material.


Venus Williams, #1: We all knew this was going to happen eventually. Three cheers to the fierce ruling diva of the Grand Slam circuit. She really deserves it, IMO. (The less said about that outfit she's wearing, the better. Borrowing something from Shakira may not have been the move for this ceremony.)

Thursday, February 14, 2002

Congrats are due: My lovely and talented wife won her first competition as a classical soloist last night. Go Joei!

Monday, February 11, 2002

Mos Def, actor: The most surprising thing about this article is the revelation that Mos Def was an actor before becoming an MC. Given the number of musicians who have begun chasing box-office fame, it's easy to assume that they all have similar backgrounds (ie, none) and motivations ($$$$) for trying to break into film. Brings home that saying about assumptions; they make an "ass" of "u" and "mptions".

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

Update frenzy: I have a new pop star to mock: SHAKIRA. The Columbian songstress is finally achieving crossover success in America by, well, becoming a bigger slapper than Christina Aguilera and singing nonsensical songs. Even after granting special dispensation because English isn't her first language, the lyrics to "Underneath Your Clothes" are, at best, goofy and painful. The schmaltzy Herb Ritts video that accompanies it is merely icing on the cake of badness.

I can't fully hate on Shakira, though; anyone who can sing the lines "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble/So you don't confuse them with mountains" and maintain a straight face gets big absurdist points from me.

Brandy marries Robert Smith! Strange but true!
Hervé Villechaize fans, CLICK HERE. If you have no idea who Hervé Villechaize is, bone up on your Fantasy Island trivia, then go to that link. (WARNING: It's a QuickTime movie.)

Thursday, January 31, 2002

Oh my! These are laugh-out-loud funny ideas for fake children's books. Don't look at these at work unless you know you won't get into trouble; I almost hurt myself attempting to stifle raucous laughter.

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Get the balance right: Just to be fair, here's an awful picture of a tennis player I like:

For your enjoyment: I present a wildly-unflattering picture of Martina Hingis!

Martina Hingis

Tuesday, January 29, 2002 is one of the funniest sites I've ever been directed towards. The video section is RIDICULOUS.

Saturday, January 26, 2002

"I'll f*** you 'til you love me, b****! By now, the news about the Tyson/Lewis brawl is fairly old-hat. However, I wonder if everyone had heard the tirade Tyson launched into after Lewis left the stage. It's truly staggering; you have to wonder why Tyson's managers are allowing him to skip his meds.

Friday, January 25, 2002

Hello Kitty Psyche Test: (Flash site) According to this test, I'm an evil bastard who doesn't care about other people. It told me this largely because I prefer curry to soup. Draw your own conclusions.

Thursday, January 24, 2002

How well do you know me? Do you know my ins and outs? My ups and downs? My backs and forths? Well, now's the time to PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS and take this test. I will be severly disappointed in any immediate family member who scores less than 80.

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Wow. The Onion has run some rough articles before, but this one is staggering. I don't know if I should laugh or run screaming from the room. (I'm thinking I should probably laugh.)

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

Anabukin-chan! "Hai!" I came across this link via the always-excellent True Meaning Of Life site. I didn't know who Anabukin-chan was or why she was one of their gurus, but this page should explain everything. (NOTE: When I say, "explain everything", I actually mean "cause incredulous stares followed by uncontrollable fits of laughter". It's better if I don't explain further.)

Thursday, January 17, 2002

My favorite pictures of today: By now I'm sure that the news that a heroic you soul hit Fred Durst in the back of the head with a pie. Thanks to wonderful email friends, I've got a link to pictures. YAY!
Abject stupidity: I had a rough beginning today; my parents called me at 6:45 AM to inform me tha my grandfather had passed away. I'd like to thank the citizens of Lauderhill, Florida, for helping me smile today.

Saturday, January 12, 2002

Good God: ICP ain't got NOTHIN' on these guys. Click and prepare to bust a gut.

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thankfully, I didn't list "updating my blog" as a resolution, otherwise I'd be in pathetic shape already. Still, I know that people stumble across this site from time to time, so in the interest of giving people something to read, I present this link. A sampling:
(7) Garrett Datz says he was at a wedding where they wanted to release live butterflies instead of having the guests throw rice. The idea was to release them from the top of the tent the wedding was held under. Unfortunately, they had the butterflies in boxes for hours and then in release cages for another few hours. By the time the critters were let go, they had all died and plopped onto the assembled party, which to me sounds like something out of Carrie.
There's even funnier on this page, trust me.