Ricky Martin tipped to play Zorro in West End musical: This doesn't frighten me nearly as much as the idea that Robbie Williams has been approached to write some of the music for it. I mean, just imagine: the evil governer is about to kick his brutal plan into motion when ZORRO! bursts on to the scene and, while singing "Rock DJ", rips off his own skin. Hordes of cannibal models on rollerskates then beat the governer into submission while ZORRO! runs up the side of a building and gets all rumpy-pumpy with a cardboard cutout.

Upon reflection, this could be the greatest musical ever...