HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thankfully, I didn't list "updating my blog" as a resolution, otherwise I'd be in pathetic shape already. Still, I know that people stumble across this site from time to time, so in the interest of giving people something to read, I present this link. A sampling:

(7) Garrett Datz says he was at a wedding where they wanted to release live butterflies instead of having the guests throw rice. The idea was to release them from the top of the tent the wedding was held under. Unfortunately, they had the butterflies in boxes for hours and then in release cages for another few hours. By the time the critters were let go, they had all died and plopped onto the assembled party, which to me sounds like something out of Carrie.

There's even funnier on this page, trust me.

2002 - A New Hope: The year in review...

- Joei went through a disheartening round of grad school auditions and came out the other side more determined than ever to do what she needed to do in order to achieve her goals.
- My paternal grandmother passed away on my father's birthday.
- I took a high-paying job with a fairly draconian company in order to finance my wife's departure from the work force, only to be laid off in the aftermath of September 11.
- I got back in touch with a couple of close friends from high school.
- A good friend lost her husband to the worst terrorist attack in US history.
- I discovered that you can survive with little change in lifestyle for about 10 weeks on unemployment.
- I went on a n all-expenses paid trip to Europe with the Boston Symphony Orchestra. Not too shabby, eh?
- I celebrated my second wedding anniversary.
- I cried for the first time in two years.
- Joei and I boought a condo and hosted Thanksgiving in it.
- One chamber group (Concordia Society) ceased its existence, but another (Seraphim Singers) rose to take its place.
- I got a new job with a fantastic company that seems to distill all of the best aspects of the previous three companies I've worked for.
- Joei was cast as a lead in a production of "Carmen".
- My brother decided to motivate and try to put together recording sessions for the second Poem-Cees release.
- Joei and I bought a Rav 4 and drove it to Ontario and Ohio.
- I was stabbed in the back in a professional situation for the first time.
- I discovered that happiness is much more important thatn making a huge amount of money.
- Judge Judy became my show of choice.
- I met some people I'd known online since 1996 for the first time face-to-face, and really liked all of them.
- My grandfather had an unsuccessful kidney transplant and is on dialysis, yet is still doing remarkably well.
- I tried to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. I got down 3,000 words before running out of steam.
- I discovered Unwound.
- New albums were released by The Cure, Tool, Depeche Mode, Radiohead, Bjork, Orbital, New Order, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, Insane Clown Posse, Busta Rhymes, and Missy Elliot.
- I started this blog.

There are things I'm leaving out, but these are the things that leap to mind. All in all, I have to say it was a good year.

Teaser: Tomorrow I may have some excellent news to impart to the brave Googlers who stumble across my site. Until then, feast your eyes on Ally's Halloween pictures. So far, my favorite is the Bauhaus picture.

Gratuitous Geri Halliwell bashing: Click here to join in on the fun. I just spent several minutes shrieking with laughter at some of the things written here. My fave so far:

Geri was on this kids radio show for Radio 4 and she saying to the child interviews "what do you think of me? am I famous enough for you?" To which one of the interviewers, a plucky eight year old boy, replied "Well you're a bit scruffy, I thought you would be wearing posh closhes"

Everett True should get this kid for his new magazine.

Watch me on TV! It's that time of year again; time for SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION! Many readers know that my lovely wife and Ig with Tanglewood Festival Chorus, the offical chorus of the Boston Symphony and Boston Pops. Every year, A & E broadcasts a Holiday Pops performance taped from the previous year's concert series. This year, the special guests are Shawn Colvin and The Chieftans. There's also a fantastic arrangement of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" which is light-years better than anything involving Jim Carrey. The dates of broadcast are Saturday, December 15th at 9pm and Friday, December 21st at 9pm. Tune in and look for the attractive, short black guy with the goatee (that's me) and the stunning, voluptuous black woman with the impeccable hair (that's Joei).

The mind boggles: A streamable collaboration between D12 and Gorillaz about the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? I'm not sure my fragile little mind can comprehend this. Still, I was intrigued enough to attempt to try to play it. After downloading Shockwave, my browser was shut down and I was kicked off the Internet. When I logged back on, the site loaded for four minutes, then threw a series of script errors at me. I don't mind being appalled at songs, but having to work to get to the appalled stage really pisses me off. I cordially invite the person who coded the Gorillaz site to eat my testicles.

ALBUM REVIEW: THE CURE - Greatest Hits

So, this came out yesterday and of course I bought it. Let me get the baseless gushing out of the way; I LOVE THIS ALBUM. I mean, yeah I own everything on here except for the two new songs, but they included a bonus disc with acoustic versions of all the songs for the sad hyper-fans! WOO-HOO!

Since it's pretty much a forgone conclusion how I feel about the old songs (ie, universally brilliant with the exception of the musical canker sore that is "Mint Car"), here are my initial thoughts on the new songs:

"Cut Here" - It's nice to hear this without the weird flangy distortion effect on top of all of the MP3s I've been able to find. What a classy little pop song. It bounces, it's fun, it isn't sappy, the music is key, and it isn't too long. Choice! The acoustic version is also butter, plus the Missing remix on the single is PHENOMENAL.

"Just Say Yes" - Ahem. The music itself is fine, but Robert should never again smoke whatever weed he had when he decided that doing a duet with SAFFRON would be a good idea. Their voices are just dissonant enough to make my teeth grind in the worst way. The acoustic version, which is Saffron-free, is INFINTELY BETTER; if this becomes a single, they should use that version. It's really a shame, because the music is really neat.

"Signal To Noise" - B-side to "Cut Here". Very nice song. The group as a whole seems to have found a groove for upbeat, catchy-sounding songs. This is the first time in the groups career that you can honestly say that their focus is on being a pop band. Even their B-sides are gleaming jewels.

I'm very very happy with this purchase, so happy that I can't write a coherent criticism of it. Everyone is required to hear the acoustic disc at least once.

DAN'S RATING: GRREATER THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!

Michael Jackson through the ages: The things I get via email. A friend of mine sent me this link which is just far too good for me to keep to myself.

WARNING: May frighten small children.

Hooray! I've picked up some super short-term contract work! Help me celebrate by buying me something from my wish list.

Another precious email:

Auburn University's chapters of Sorority Delta Sigma Phi & Fraternity Beta Theta Pi have been suspended after hosting racist Halloween parties on Oct. 25 & 27th. The members imitated rappers, wore black face, 3 finger rings, doo rags & simulated a KKK lynching. Officials said the university would pursue the matter aggressively.

Double GRR.

Lovely. This just appeared in my inbox:

Hi from www.SexXCrawler.com, your Adult content specific search engine:

We would like to take this moment to inform you that you've been placed on to our search engine, http://www.SexXCrawler.com. If you would like to link back to us you can do so by going to http://www.SexXCrawler.com/getsearch.asp.

Our search engine is adult content specific.

If there is something that's not on the Web site that you would like to see, please contact us at team@sexxcrawler.com.

Note: You have received this email only because your email address was found on an adult content Web site that has been indexed into our database. If you've received this email by mistake, please disregard it.

SexXCrawler.com Team.

GRR.

URLs to amuse and abuse: This link comes courtesy of entertainingly insane Brian, a West Coast Meat Beat Manifesto freak whom I've known virtually for years now. The link is much more entertaining if you have a sound card. Meanwhile, this link was sent to me by my father-in-law. I really hope everyone out there ends up with a father-in-law as great as mine.

YOIKES. The latest Google search to turn up this blog that I really wish I didn't know about can be viewed here. Oh dear.

The Strokes justify their existence: Or rather, some extraordinarily clever underground DJs do it for them. Click here for the aptly-titled "A Stroke Of Genius". It's The Strokes vs. Christina Aguilera. It's screamingly fantastic. If only the Strokes could get me that amped on their own, their ridiculous press hype might be warranted.

Lap Top Pop: Clicking this link will take you to a Flash site that has tasters from the upcoming Severed Heads album. I demand that everyone who comes across this link click on it RIGHT NOW and basks in the aural wonderment.

NNoWriMo update: I've written just over 1800 words and have gotten to a fairly gruesome double-murder. Ah, my evil scheme proceeds accoring to plan...

First impression: Aphex Twin - Druqks

Wow. This is a long-lost Squarepusher album.

Dirty little girls: Last night I heard Aaliyah's "Rock The Boat" for the first time. What an absolutely lovely song! The video alone is captivating; beautiful Caribbean scenery abounds as modestly-clad-by-modern-video-standards Aaliyah and dancers boogie on the world's largest catamaran and the world's sexiest beach. Through it all, the song burbles and bubbles like a drowsy sex kitten, setting up a melt-in-your-mouth gorgeous groove with Aaliyah crooning like a spoken-word poet in heat about the joys of heavy petting. It's really amazing, particularly since the songwriting itself is so abstract that I'm amazed that the record company had the courage to pick it as a single. Emotions are compounded by the uncomfortable knowledge that this slice of sexual bounce was the last thing she did before her fatal plane crash. At some points, I felt like I was watching the world's most beautiful snuff film.

In a similar vein, I felt like I needed to wash my brain out with soap after seeing the video for Britney's new single. With "I'm A Slave 4 U", Britney sheds the last vestiges of the naughty schoolgirl that has followed her since "Baby One More Time" and stampeded onto the scene as full-on club girl unafraid of getting down and dirty in the name of the all-holy beat. The belly-dancing, the groping and licking, the womanly figure bending and twisting and promising anything in the world as long as the music is playing... it's astonishing. Working with The Neptunes was quite possibly the best thing Britney could have done as far as shaking up her image is concerned. This is the first song of hers I've heard that didn't sound like it came with an implicit "Approvbed By Radio Disney!" stamp on the cover. I won't say it's more adult (although it CERTAINLY is more sexual), but it's the first single she's released that I've liked instantly.

THIS JUST IN... "Invasion Of The Gabber Robots" by The Laziest Men On Mars is one of the greatest songs in the universe: Discuss.

I am in love... The tingle of excitement, the quicking pulse, trembling finger reach out to turn up the volume as your heart leaps into you mouth and your brain can only form the thought, "That's my JAM..."

I love the feeling of discovering a great new artist. This month's honoree is Kenna. You've probably seen the wacked-out Claymation video for "Hellbent" on MTV2, and yes, that song is mind-blowing, but the other MP3s I've managed to scrounge are making me yearn for him to release his album. (Of course, if he can wait until I get a job, that would probably be for the best.)