Venus Williams, #1: We all knew this was going to happen eventually. Three cheers to the fierce ruling diva of the Grand Slam circuit. She really deserves it, IMO. (The less said about that outfit she's wearing, the better. Borrowing something from Shakira may not have been the move for this ceremony.)

Congrats are due: My lovely and talented wife won her first competition as a classical soloist last night. Go Joei!

Mos Def, actor: The most surprising thing about this article is the revelation that Mos Def was an actor before becoming an MC. Given the number of musicians who have begun chasing box-office fame, it's easy to assume that they all have similar backgrounds (ie, none) and motivations ($$$$) for trying to break into film. Brings home that saying about assumptions; they make an "ass" of "u" and "mptions".

Update frenzy: I have a new pop star to mock: SHAKIRA. The Columbian songstress is finally achieving crossover success in America by, well, becoming a bigger slapper than Christina Aguilera and singing nonsensical songs. Even after granting special dispensation because English isn't her first language, the lyrics to "Underneath Your Clothes" are, at best, goofy and painful. The schmaltzy Herb Ritts video that accompanies it is merely icing on the cake of badness.

I can't fully hate on Shakira, though; anyone who can sing the lines "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble/So you don't confuse them with mountains" and maintain a straight face gets big absurdist points from me.

Brandy marries Robert Smith! Strange but true!

Hervé Villechaize fans, CLICK HERE. If you have no idea who Hervé Villechaize is, bone up on your Fantasy Island trivia, then go to that link. (WARNING: It's a QuickTime movie.)

Oh my! These are laugh-out-loud funny ideas for fake children's books. Don't look at these at work unless you know you won't get into trouble; I almost hurt myself attempting to stifle raucous laughter.

Get the balance right: Just to be fair, here's an awful picture of a tennis player I like:

For your enjoyment: I present a wildly-unflattering picture of Martina Hingis!

MinorDomesticAccidents.com is one of the funniest sites I've ever been directed towards. The video section is RIDICULOUS.

"I'll f*** you 'til you love me, b****! By now, the news about the Tyson/Lewis brawl is fairly old-hat. However, I wonder if everyone had heard the tirade Tyson launched into after Lewis left the stage. It's truly staggering; you have to wonder why Tyson's managers are allowing him to skip his meds.

Hello Kitty Psyche Test: (Flash site) According to this test, I'm an evil bastard who doesn't care about other people. It told me this largely because I prefer curry to soup. Draw your own conclusions.

How well do you know me? Do you know my ins and outs? My ups and downs? My backs and forths? Well, now's the time to PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS and take this test. I will be severly disappointed in any immediate family member who scores less than 80.

Wow. The Onion has run some rough articles before, but this one is staggering. I don't know if I should laugh or run screaming from the room. (I'm thinking I should probably laugh.)

Anabukin-chan! "Hai!" I came across this link via the always-excellent True Meaning Of Life site. I didn't know who Anabukin-chan was or why she was one of their gurus, but this page should explain everything. (NOTE: When I say, "explain everything", I actually mean "cause incredulous stares followed by uncontrollable fits of laughter". It's better if I don't explain further.)

My favorite pictures of today: By now I'm sure that the news that a heroic you soul hit Fred Durst in the back of the head with a pie. Thanks to wonderful email friends, I've got a link to pictures. YAY!

SNAZZY!

Abject stupidity: I had a rough beginning today; my parents called me at 6:45 AM to inform me tha my grandfather had passed away. I'd like to thank the citizens of Lauderhill, Florida, for helping me smile today.

Good God: ICP ain't got NOTHIN' on these guys. Click and prepare to bust a gut.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thankfully, I didn't list "updating my blog" as a resolution, otherwise I'd be in pathetic shape already. Still, I know that people stumble across this site from time to time, so in the interest of giving people something to read, I present this link. A sampling:

(7) Garrett Datz says he was at a wedding where they wanted to release live butterflies instead of having the guests throw rice. The idea was to release them from the top of the tent the wedding was held under. Unfortunately, they had the butterflies in boxes for hours and then in release cages for another few hours. By the time the critters were let go, they had all died and plopped onto the assembled party, which to me sounds like something out of Carrie.

There's even funnier on this page, trust me.